-___________-

So honestly today was unproductive and I kinda sucked.

I literally think I just wanna let this effing class fail. No last-ditch effort, b/c there's almost basically no point.

I failed.

Wowzah. And I worked SO HARD to bring up my GPA. Yeah yeah yeah

BLAH BLAH BLAH omg these effing beezy is caring about GRADES? Jeezus there are other probs in the world right now!!

Yeah?

Well fuck you.

Seriously. Ok, yeah... We all have stupid little problems floating around in our heads, but we all care about ourselves. Yup, that's the truth.

There. I said it.

We care about ourSELVES.

We're so wrapped up in our own scheiße that we don't stop and think about bigger troubles in the world. YEAH.

So now suck on that, dickheads.

ANYwho...

My BF unloaded on me today and honestly, I think, I realize I must do this to him all the time, but at one point I was just thinking that "O Lawdy, I hope he gets over it" and realized I was bein' callous.

Ok I didn't REALLY think that, but he's such a source of inspiration to me that I forget he's human.

Also, Idk if he's caught cold or something but I am sincerely swearing, crossing-my-fingers, hoping-to-GAWD that I don't catch it.

Yup.

There I said it again.

It's just that, it takes me AGES to get over a cold, and I JUST got over mine (which I also transferred to him). So if he now gets me sick, ummmm I'MA BE KINDA PISSED.

B/c although my sleep cycle's not the best, I generally take pretty good care of myself. Watch my diet (no junk food, mostly) and I take a healthy dose of Vitamin C and electrolytes EVERY DAY. O. And let's not forget I make sure to get a good dose of my daily vitamins as well.

ANYway. I'm glad I've calmed down a lot since the time I was GOING to rant (about 5 hours ago). Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the other person's shoes, b/c most of the time--and my friend told me this--75% (so that's most of the time) of arguments stem from miscommunication.

But also (and this is my own observation) it's when people are stressed and end up taking it out on you b/c they have no other outlet and maybe you said something that set them off.

Ever thought to yourself--why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? about the other person? YEAH. This is that in action, methinks.

And none of us engage in ACTIVE LISTENING enough.

Myself included. Guilty as charged.

I've heard I "dominate" convos (i.e. WAY TOO GARRULOUS. Yeah, look that up, betches)

yeah. NOT A GOOD THING.

Gawd gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. So we should listen twice as much as we speak.

i.e. USE PROPORTIONATELY, MOFOS.

Mmm for sure it's difficult and really it seems most of America is made of talkers than listeners, but people who have a lot to say can make pretty darn good listeners (not to toot my own horn, but I'm actually pretty good at that--when I put my mind to it).

Some people DO like to hear themselves talk, but W/E. Leave them at it. They'll figure it out one day.

And we can always improve.

Ok. Well that's my 2¢ for the day.

Luv you all.

PAYCE.

TGIF. Not really. -_______-

mang

Feelin' dumb. SO TIRED the past few days. REALLY shouldn't have taken that Tuesday off, but man I need days off!! And time for myself. I can foresee no free moment from now until the 26th--and that includes a "vacation" w/the parentals and sis (19th of Dec. - 26th) !!

RIGHT after my last final I have literally ONE day to not be able to do anything.

I don't want to be hungover on my 12-hour flight. o_____O

ALSO-

stupid, stupid, STUPID!

Freakin' nap last night killed my sleep cycle, but also lead to nothing being done for today, which included 2 papers + maybe 2 more (XC). I also overpaid the meter, b/c my paranoia with the meter maids will forever be at a high.

Unfortunately, thanks to the beautiful (a**hole) city of SJ, I am now REALLY short on change (i.e. gotta SAVE those quarters, not waste 'em!)

I've got paying the meters to an exact science, so Idk how I effed it up so badly today...

Probably from being tired. I STILL NEED JAVA.

The irony of it all is I haven't really REALLY touched coffee for a LONG while. Wednesday of this week is when it all went downhill (lol). I can feel it. FINALS week, here I come! Also, here comes about a pot or 2 of coffee a day till then...!

I had a caffeine addiction same time last year and vowed to give the stuff up. New Year's came around, made the resolution, and it lasted for about half a year--before Finals came.

So here I am. I don't really drink it if I can help it, but sometimes I need that extra boost, especially if I've essentially been operating on 4 hours of sleep for the past week or so. No bueno. -____-

*le sigh*

back to the grind. Ended up only completing ONE paper.

Promise I'll have those movie reviews up SOON! [at least for "Planet of the Apes", as I'm reading that for my French class and need to do a paper comparing the 1968 film to the novel]

PEACE!! <3

random rant - interlude

UGHS so some BEEZY decides to take my spot... Although I've been following the mantra "early bird gets the worm" for my mAGIC, sCIENCE, rELIGION class so I can be one of the first (of 2) to get the outlet to plug my laptop in.

For the 1ST time today, I have lost... And normally--one of the laptop-users brings in one of those multi-outlet plugs, so we can ALL plug our laptops in. However, today it was not to be... ]=

And today happened to be a day where I stayed a bit later on my earlier class to talk w/the Professor after... to set up an 8:15 p.m. appointment for the next day (b/c I cannot make any of his office hours).

ANYwho... ughs this week? I just wish it were over. Not to sound like a hyper-emo HS kid, but seriously WISH IT WAS OVER.

Will be missing my bf's dad's 50th celebration this Sat for an Alpha Kappa Psi Banquet being hosted by my little's class (don't ask me to explain). Decisions, decisions. Dilemmas, dilemmas. Technically I said I'd go to the dinner, but I didn't know what day it was. Apparently it's been the 4th of Dec for 3 months now.

Shame on me then.

I've been more involved w/the Banquet--more "in-the-know", more "on-the-fringe" for the bday dinner. SO.

Idk what's going on.

Anywho, this was supposed to be a mini-rant about the beezy next to me in class.

So I'm out.

BACK TO CLASS.

Any other day...

Well, it is effing freezing down here in the lower level of the MLK library. For the first time in a LONG time, I am studying here. Actually being productive. Most of my HW done (for once, even though it's the end of the semester! really I should be saying FINALLY DONE) before the weekend is over.

Everyone's back to work... blah-di-blah-di-blah...

I want to say I was being productive today. I got some studying done, but I still have to make copies of some 100+ odd pages of French text--

don't even get me started.

ANYwho, today isn't about boring you all to death. SO LEMME SAY--I think I'll FINALLY be able to get started on that movie blog!! (accessible HERE)

Suggestion from my study buddy, Avina (we ended up chatting for the first 2-2.5 hours of "studying" AND I was late. BOO ON ME), that I should watch "Dead Poets Society."

I know, I know.

HOW is it I call myself a cinephile and have yet to see that??

WELL, I'm only a cinephile b/c I was obstructed from really enjoying movies (how they're supposed to be enjoyed--in the theatre) when I was younger. The minute I got a car--ZOOM! and I was out...

ANYwho... so that'll start my list.

Also, as of this semester, I had to watch "La Gloire de mon père" and will soon be watching "The Planet of the Apes" (1968 version, for a comparison between that and the French sci-fi novel). So I'll let you know on that... AND a bunch of other movies

I just finished "Secret of Kells" last night, and started on "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus". I'll let you know if they're skippers, or if YOU GOTTA WATCH 'EM!! (o;

Also- side note: "Rise of the Apes" starring James Franco, Freida Pinto and Tom Felton (just to name a few; I think Brian Cox is slated to star as well, but I'll have to double-check)--a reboot and prequel/retelling of the story (more à la Mark Wahlberg's version I believe), so keep on the look out for THAT.

ANYwho... back to studying.

Also, I'm trying to help my younger sis w/her college apps. Man, did she wait!!

Oh well. We'll see. Crossin' my fingers for her (and you should, too).

As of now, tired, cold and HUNGERS.

So, I'm out.

PAYCE. (o;

November 26

Hello!!

Whew does it feel good to be on THIS side of Thanksgiving. Idk HOW it happened, but I've been going to bed extremely late these past couple of days--later than I am used to.

ALTHOUGH these have been a productive 2 days (well, productive personally and for my psyche, my schoolwork is another issue) i.e. I didn't get any HW done, but I had a heartfelt chat w/my father. I wouldn't say we're estranged, but throughout the years there have been points in my life where such a thought has crossed both his and my mind.

Also, for the first time, I've been proactive under my parents' roof--I think that will help in the eternal struggle to break the parent-child/mature-immature dynamic.

Going back to my parents' was eye-opening and I think for the most part, it was good spending an extended amount of time (although 2 days and 2 nights, not necessarily in that order, isn't really that much time).

ANYwho... a new thing (well, not really new) is this Wii game called Wii Sports Resort--I haven't touched a Wii for over a year. It's like it's this passing faze--and the fad is out (obviously it's not REALLY, BUT!)... But I can see how it's addicting...

There's a basketball game (3-point throwing) and another 3-on-3 scrimmage and I must say--dating my boyfriend--his interest and fanaticism for sports has started to slightly rub off on me (watching BOTH football games w/my mom + dad yesterday?? even if it WAS just ONE eye on the telly and one on what I was doing to prepare for the guests coming over for Thanksgiving Dinner)... and the only thing running through my mind was how much I wanted to share this w/him. Ridiculous-sounding, I know. Maybe when we purchase a Wii...

Also, this gave me an even BETTER sense of who my true friends are. So, thanks, holidays!

TUMBLR

That's all I have for you now. Maybe I'll update more later, but for now, I'm done.

Wii time!! lol (o;

Stuck in my head: "How Low Can You Go"

THOUGHT it was "Beamer, Benz or Bentley"

ANYwho...

- - - - -

I'll just be sharing my thoughts and whatnot (in a nicer format than the 140-word summary of twitter and facebook status updates) from day to day.

Lol my grandmother always encouraged me to keep a journal when I was young. Never really got into it. And here I am.

Probably just to keep my memories ... well, fresh, I suppose. Like when I re-read things later on, it'll be like I'm living those moments again.

Had something like that in Jr. High... Notebook-sharing w/friends; we mutually wrote, back-and-forth... we each have one notebook. Although the 2 of us are not really friends anymore, reading those notebooks... not to sound clichéd--they BRING BACK MEMORIES.

*le sigh*

Why can't life go back to simpler times?

Sometimes I wish this.

But there are SO MANY experiences I have since gone through, I really wouldn't take any of it back.

People who live lives in regret really live their lives in fear. I attended a panel once, and the representative from Google said that they AIM TO FAIL, b/c failing is inevitable--it's how you pick yourself back up and LEARN from it that counts--how you MOVE FORWARD.

When people say, "Oh, if I could do it all over again..." That's ruing your current position. You MAKE YOUR LIFE. Don't EVER forget that. Blaming it on external loci of control is just a way out, just a way to shift the blame from yourself to something uncontrollable--leaving you unaccountable for your actions, and less of an adult. It's part of growing up to take responsibility of your actions.

So for anybody who's reading this, I urge you to move forward, and live your life! Truer words really were never spoken.

Not to sound holier-than-thou, but I realized toward the beginning of college (my first year in fact) that however horribly I'd messed up in high school, when I truly thought back on it, I wouldn't change my actions. Now that's not to say I didn't wish things had turned out different, but I would NOT have done things differently. You know why? You are who you are. Your experiences make you. When you're a 15, 16, 17-year-old, you don't KNOW the world. You THINK you do, but in the end you don't. So you make those mistakes. AND THEY MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON. THAT's how you learn. THAT's how you move forward.

That's my 2¢ for today. I really didn't aim for this to become so deep lol... light and fluff is more how I like to go, but next time.

Tomorrow will bring a lighter, fluffier day... Happy Turkey Day! *Gobble Gobble*